Reservation Dogs

This is an old love letter in a post to a woman who’s name I’d rather forget. We both were members of an online motorcycle forum and I posted it there for her to see along with about 100,000 other people. Hell I actually met her on that forum but that story is too long to tell now.

This reminds me where I once was. The Romantic was running wild. I had re-discovered women after my marriage of 36 years had, you guessed it, crashed and burned but in spectacular style.

I’m cleaning out old images so stories may be random, I’m in the old girlfriend drawer now. I find this cathartic. I’ll spoil the ending, everyone crashes and burns – I’m seeing a pattern here…

May 5th, 2011

I just returned from a ride through the Navajo Nation

Reservation Dogs

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I have loved Reservation dogs since I first stumbled upon them. I find them to be a mixed group of short, fat, tall and thin but the Pack is always present within each.

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It was one of those perfect days Brothers. A mix of Sand, Sun and Scent all in harmony. I was being pulled along in a current of black asphalt and wind. I was where I should be. I was having a Rat Day.

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I rode sand into Shonto

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I rode and thought of a Woman…

I was Happy to the point of exploding and thought I ran a real potential of becoming a big pile of steaming happy guts on the side of the road. I had to find some way to share this bliss. I was riding through the Navajo Nation for most of the day with high blue skies and wisps of clouds. Dusty hues of an Artist’s palette, Red and White sandstone towers staked out my path. For hours I rode the East then South then West flank of Navajo Mountain, a purple pyramid to the Universe, it was the center of my Universe.

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Reservation Dogs would be the benefactors of my Thoughts of Her. I declared it “Free Hot Dog day” for every dog I could find. There would be many. I was buying the dogs dog’s 2 for $1.79. I invested $20 bucks in the project. Do the math but there were a shitload of round bellied dogs wandering Shonto

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As I gathered with these packs I told them of Her. I told them the only thing they owed me was to howl at the Moon for this Woman and I.

They said they would.

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Dogs Never Lie

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So Dear Brothers if you should ride the canyons and tablelands of the Navajo Nation and hear dogs howl think of Rat and his Woman…

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© 2011 – 2020, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

The Price We Pay

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“I am what they trained me to be. I am what they wanted me to be.”

As I looked up I see my PTSD doc had tears in her eyes. I had just finished telling her of one of my scars. She asked for it so I told her what it is like to hold a dead child in your hands and curse the sky.

“Michael do you know what it means to be in a state of Hyper-arousal or Hyper- vigilance?”

“You mean me having my head on a swivel? I was trained to be a human recorder. To see which hand the gun is in, to witness the wounds, to remember everything and be able to testify to the Truth of it all later. I put that shit in my long term memory banks. The military calls it Situational Awareness. I had to live in this state to survive in the World they asked me to bring Peace to. I haven’t found the “OFF” switch. I honed this skill that you now use to identify my PTSD. That’s pretty fucked up.”

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A long pause followed in which she offered no answer. Her question caused me to drifted into my past…

I was on patrol in the dark with another rookie at my side. This one wasn’t getting it. I had worked with him on his skills of observation for the past week. He had the eyes of a civilian and I wanted him to have animal eyes, to see everything. I decided to teach him a lesson. I waited for him to pick a car and make a traffic stop.

We approached the suspect vehicle in the customary manner, the rookie made contact with the driver and I covered him from the rear fender. I noted three occupants besides the driver. We retreat to the patrol car to run checks on the driver.

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The lesson begins…

“Rookie don’t even think of looking up. If you do I swear I’ll make you walk back to the station house. Do you understand me?”

A quiet “Yes Sir” comes out of the rookie.

“Let us imaging another scenario, I just got blasted in the chest by one of the passengers and I’m laying in the ditch with a sucking chest wound. Now let’s imagine that the suspect vehicle has fled the scene. You’re in the ditch with me holding my cigarette pack against my wound and you have your radio in the other hand. Let me hear your broadcast to get me help and to catch those that harmed me – GO!”

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The rookie fumbled – this is what he didn’t know. He had no idea where we were, the color or model of the car, the number of occupants, no part of the license plate. He was clueless.

“What are you gonna do rookie – I need an ambulance?”

“I’m gonna run up to that house and ask for their address.”

“That’s great but who is gonna keep pressure on my sucking chest wound? Are you gonna let me die?”

More stumbling by the rookie. I sensed the great dump of stress I had caused for him. His heart was racing as if these things had really happened.

“Rookie this is serious work we do. Get your head in the game or get out before you get someone killed.”

We kicked the stop without issuing any tickets.

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After this lesson this rookie did have his head on a swivel. He began to notice everything. He became what I wanted him to be and is still a very successful Police Officer.

I suddenly realized that maybe even now he was visiting his PTSD doc and telling them how he became hyper-vigilant and how he came to live in a state of hyper-arousal.

I felt a twang of guilt for having created another like me…

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© 2016, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

Monument Valley – Valley of the Gods and Muley Point trip report

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April 30th, 2010

CONDITIONS AND INFORMATION: The roads within Monument Valley, Valley of the Gods and Moki Dugway have all been graded and are in good shape. Not many washboard sections.

There is a very active Deputy Sheriff working the Mexican Hat area. He has either a Recruit or ride along with him and every time I passed through he had someone stopped.

The Story of this trip:

The snows of winter recede, wild flowers burst from the ground, time for an adventure. My friend, Ara, was on the other side of Utah. I made up my mind to find him. I did this without any planning, or even checking to see if he was still in the Monument Valley region.

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Ara has a Blog http://www.theoasisofmysoul.com and a spot satellite device. I thought I could track him to Valley of the Gods. I was wrong.

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I had a great ride through Zion to Kanab to Page. The ride past Page is on to the Navajo Nation and there aren’t many places to stop. The miles slipped by, time stood still. The asphalt ribbon allows time for thinking. On this trip I recall all of the best things of my life. Memories of the past crashed inside my helmet. Humble Pie was rockin’ the Fillmore once again. My chest swelled to the point it was difficult to breath, tears streamed from my eyes, I smiled and twisted the throttle. I reflect on the fortunate nature of my life. Happiness surrounds me.

This is the same feeling I always experience at the beginning of a new challenge or adventure. I recommend it highly.

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I didn’t leave the house till after 10am, I made a slow pace crossing the 350 miles of southwestern desert to seek out my friend in the land we both love. I arrive at Valley of the Gods as the sun slips towards the red rock horizon. Warm breezes follow me. The scent of sage fill the air. A raven screams into the sky.

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These are roads worthy of seeking, places of discovery and awe. Giant sun dials of time tower above me. That is “Woman in the bathtub” ahead, I think.

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There are many free camping places along this 17 mile gravel road, however none of them contained Ara.

I had stopped in Mexican Hat and bought some water and dinner snacks. As I gave up my search of Ara, for this day, I looked back at my pack and discovered that my water was missing. I hadn’t properly secured it and now was to pay the price. I had a decision to make. I could turn up Moki Dugway and camp at one of my favorite places in the World, Muley Point (and hope on finding another human being with extra water) or turn back towards Mexican Hat and get a shitty motel room. I chanced camping without water.

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Time to set camp. Not another person for miles, or water for that matter. I skipped a dinner of salty snacks and stale donuts to conserve my 2 drinks of water.

A night so quiet my mind invented insects sounds to fill the nothingness.

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Sunrise at Muley Point and things were about to get interesting, but first this reminds me of a conversation I would later have with Ara. The issue of money came up and it’s value. I told Ara that money is a terrible way to gauge the quality of one’s life. I proposed a better method, sunrises and sunsets. A life measured this way gauges true quality. My friend Ara is a tycoon of sunsets.

Before we leave this photograph note the cliff edge (white rock over black pack – about 6 feet away). I wasn’t able to stake my tent because it sat on a thin layer of gravel over solid rock. I was very careful during my one nighttime pee break.

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Now the interesting part. As I strike camp, my throat so parched that I can’t spit, my tent blows over the cliffside. I felt just the brush of air and my tent took one full roll and over the side it went. I raced towards it for a step and decided not to run towards a cliff edge, in motorcycle boots on gravel.

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I peeked over the side and discovered my tent had caught on a ledge about 30 feet below. After that the cliff dropped straight down 1,000 feet. I evaluated my water situation and weighted that against my love for this Kelty tent. I allowed myself an hour to try to find a way down to the tent ledge or some other solution. After half an hour I realized that finding a way down that didn’t involve life threatening risk wasn’t possible. I go McGyver and pull out my cheap survival kit. Inside I find fishing line and 2 hooks. I stand on the cliff edge and tie a rock to my hooks and chuck the mess over the side just hoping to hit the tent. I did hit it on the first try but it didn’t bite, second attempt resulted in a knot and on the third the string broke. I need water and don’t want to die for a tent. I mounted for Bluff, breakfast, and a continuing search for a friend.

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Time for a few parting shots looking from Muley Point into the Navajo Nation and Monument Valley. The lands of John Wayne and John Ford, two men that knew the beauty of this place.

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I will always know this place as Lost Tent Rock.

I made it to Bluff and had an average breakfast and great water at the Twin Rocks. In the mean time I had located Ara and arrangements were made to meet later for dinner.

I had the day to myself Aaahhhhh……….

No plans, a full tank of gas and a fine German machine. I rode Valley of the Gods (again) as a bypass to Goosenecks.

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My belly was full of breakfast and about a gallon of water. I laid on top of the picnic table, under a sun shade and napped. Every now and then I would rise up and growl, just to scare the tourists. I was left alone.

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The San Juan started life as a meandering river, like the Mississippi, until the Colorado Uplift caused this. Another time monument.

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I rode on to the Monument Valley, which is a Tribal Park. They changed the visitor center. The old one was better.

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I spent freely upon native lands. For $5.00 you get this porch view and the right to drive the loop road.

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I visited with the couple on the right. They were from Australia. It was one of those quick but meaniful conversations. I reminded them that it was a Tuesday morning, most people were working, and many could only dream of being here. A few minutes later we parted with meaty handshakes hiding real emotion.

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The sun was just heating the dust into small tornadoes as I struck out. The light too harsh and direct for photography. I lazed the day away.

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A happy indian dog. They were everywhere I would go.

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Before I left the visitor’s center I picked up another large bottle of water. I stuck it between my bedroll and pack, where I’ve put water bottles for 60,000 miles. You probably guess by now that I found myself without water AGAIN. I wear ATGATT and it was about 90 degrees. I’m as far from the visitor’s center as possible too.

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These guys sold pony rides but not water.

For the second time in my life I drink from a horse trough.

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I made it to the visitors center and another great cold bottle of water. I have come to appreciate water on this trip. At about 5pm I set out towards a meeting in Bluff with Ara.

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This is Ara’s motorcycle

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We had a great conversation and dinner at this place. I slept under the stars that night at Ara’s camp.

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Ara and I parted ways yet again, each setting out for adventure. I would retrace my route through Monument Valley, Kayenta, Kaibeto, Shonto and Page.

This is where Forrest Gump turned around, after all that runnin…

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As I neared Kayenta the Weather Service indicated severe winds of 50 MPH with gusts over 100 MPH in my path. An easy 350 mile ride just got interesting. I have never ridden in such winds.

I sought shelter for some time in the canyon of Shonto.

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I sat in the cottonwoods and watched the lives of others unfold. The slow and easy rythym that is native life.

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Checkerboard Mesa looms overhead as I near home. The hardest part of the ride was between Page and Kanab with sustained headwinds of over 50 MPH. I was getting tired.

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One last break and then home. Mosquito Cove provided a respite from the howling wind.

Three days, 876 miles and one tent later I ride the last leg home.

Again I am stronger for what has passed.

© 2010 – 2020, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

Another Person’s Dream

July 20th, 2016 – Orient Land Trust Bat Cave

Yesterday I was part of another persons dream.

9:45 pm: After witnessing a great out flight of bats the time had come to find a way off the mountain with our friend. In the dark at 9,500 feet elevation we tied ropes to the frame of her wheelchair and began our slow descent on the steep trail of loose rock. For an extra level of safety we lashed Janet to the chair with a hunk of climbing rope.

“On three” I call out before standing, the weight of the chair, Janet and the rigging balanced on my shoulders. As Steve and I settled our movements Janet began to talk.

She remembered the cliffs beside the trail on the way up and spoke of them with nervous energy. I told her, “I’ve got your back.” She laughed and said, “No Michael you’ve got my front. Steve has my back.” In that moment I celebrated my friendship with this woman I admire, a woman of strength and determination, light and life.

Days earlier Janet let friends know she dreamed of witnessing an out flight of the bats from our bat cave, two miles up the mountain and a 900 foot elevation gain. We friends of Janet conspired to make it so and did. I was a part of that story and this one.

In the shadow of the moon I take my first step down the steep trail and felt Janet swing under the poles and at the end of her ropes. Marie lit our footsteps and called out hazards as others moved rocks from the trail. We band of Humans, with our suspended friend between us, worked our way down the mountain in a quiet ballet of movement. Janet occasionally said, “More Left” which meant further from the rocky ledge.

After an hour we made it to the truck and apparent safety. The strenuous part was over and now the long and slow descent down through the old town sites began, the truck in granny gear. Janet and I were alone in the cab and the rest of the troop had piled in to the bed with Janet’s wheelchair.

Janet began to cry and expressed her gratitude for having seen the bats and having great friends. I accepted her gratitude but then I reminded her of this.

She had given all of us a greater gift – The chance to shine as examples of what Humans can be – What a beautiful night it was…

© 2019 – 2020, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

A Life Lesson

January 19th, 2019 Orient Land Trust

Something amazing happened to me yesterday and I’m still trying to understand my lesson. First I have to tell the back story.

32 years ago I was a Homicide Detective and I investigated the most hideous case of my career. Two killers had abducted a child and gave her a painful, lingering, terror filled death. A month ago the Prosecutor’s office subpoenaed me back to Michigan to testify in a re-sentencing hearing for one of the killers of Mary, the 13 year old victim.

When the Prosecutor called I asked what he needed from me. His answer was, “Michael I need you to bring the horror”. He mailed me a thumb drive containing my old homicide book. It was filled with Police reports, confessions, crime scene photos and an autopsy report. As I prepared for this case I picked scab and twisted bone within my mind – Nightmares found me again. I flew to Michigan and spent days testifying in Court. I was the State’s only witness to the dusty facts, the stuff of my nightmares. In the end we lost as the Judge, without leaving the bench, ruled in favor of the killer. She vacated his life sentence and made him eligible for parole.

I was thankful for the opportunity to speak the Truth for Mary, to again stand for her Justice, but I was stunned by the ruling. I felt I had failed her.

I staggered to my rental car parked in the multi-level city parking structure to find a $50 parking ticket slipped behind the wiper. I guess it’s going to be one of those days.

But then everything I had carried for 32 years was about to shift. I had an epiphany as I drove through the dense Michigan morning fog that hung to everything. I turned on the radio of the rental car, for the first time. The random station dialed in by some stranger was in the middle of Cyndi Lauper’s song Time after Time. I remembered that was Mary’s favorite song and it played at her funeral. I pulled to the roadside and listened to the words for the first time.

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after Time

After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You’re wondering if I’m okay
Secrets stolen from deep inside
And the drum beats out of time

If you’re lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting
Time after time

Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as the song ended. I felt as if Mary had found a way to speak directly to me in my moments of confusion and doubt.

Back to the epiphany – I met Mary once as she laid on her autopsy table. She became my ghost as I froze that image of her tiny bullet riddled body in the deep cellular walls of my brain. On the side of the road I freed her of that. I’m going to think of her as my Guardian Angel – My Protector – Not my Ghost. I also thought I should free her from that death image, from this day forward when Mary enters my Mind I’ll imagine her before December 30th or I’ll imagine her in what Space she might now posses.

Maybe I have haunted her in the place she is now. I want Peace for her.

And now to what happened yesterday – I was at a hot spring when a young couple entered the pool with me – as our conversation flowed I told them what I just shared with you.

When I told them of my promise to Mary to remember her before December 30th (the date of her death) the woman asked, “What year”? I told her 1986.

She said, “That’s the day I was born” – I was stunned, shocked and knew there was a greater lesson in this for me. She was the first person I told this story to after the case ended. What are the chances of that?

She then said, “Maybe I’m her”. She was born 6 hours after Mary was murdered.

So what do you think? Is my lesson that I’m in the right place at the right time, how could these coincidences happen otherwise. Is it a lesson in reincarnation – did I meet Mary, beautiful, healthy and at peace.

In the end I came to realize that I had been given another gift. The Universe took down off my shelf this most horrible thing and asked me to make Peace with it.

I did.

If you’re interested in the rest of the story here is a link.

The Execution of Mary Hulbert

© 2019 – 2020, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

A Rookie’s Last Lesson

It’s 2 AM as I rolled the blacked out patrol car down the alley and parked. A crisp fog hung in the air and silver globes surrounded the streetlights. This morning was as damp and dark as it had ever been. The time had come for this Last Lesson with my rookie.

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This Recruit Deputy had ridden under my wing for two months after months with other Field Training Officers. He had passed all the tests and was as close to being a full grown Police Officer as I could make him. Tomorrow I would set him free – He would be on solo patrol for the first time in his life.

I had taught him how to walk into a room with command presence – where everyone instantly knew who was in charge. I taught him how to speak with the voice of ten men, filled with brimstone and determination. How to look into a man’s eyes. Lessons in how to shoot, how to stand, what to watch.

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Lessons in cover and concealment, law and order, threats and dangers.

I taught him that we are always Men of Honor – we don’t lie – That the People give us the power to arrest and kill them – we, at the very least, owe them an obligation of Truth.

I sat on the fender of the cruiser and lit a cigarette as the recruit stood nearby.

I begin, “Cub pay attention because this will be one of the most important lessons I can offer you. We don’t Quit – We fight through our fear and pain. Sometimes you may not see a clear path to victory but know you cannot lose. Enter every battle with a Warrior’s Mind.”

A car turns down the alley away from us.

I continue, “You have to swear an Oath to me right now. If the worst should happen, should your heart be blasted out the back of your chest you still have about 4 seconds of life left. Kill the mother fucker that killed you. Draw your gun, fight to your end, never quit.” I take a long draw on my Marlboro as I collect my next thought.

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“We all die alone unless we die together.”

The young Brother then swore his Oath to me. We hugged in the fog, in the dark, in the honor of his promise.

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PS: I have been reminded to remind you that I write in the voice of who I was on that day. I am a time traveler but I can only travel back into my own time…

© 2017, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

It’s just a matter of Time…

I am a Man who has been to the Mountain Top and I’m forever changed by what happened there. I lived wild in the Deserts and Mountains of Utah and Nevada, Texas, New Mexico and Colorado. Rivers, streams, seeps, weeps and springs have wet my tongue. Moons, Suns, Planets and Galaxies have lit my way as I followed the skinny trail.

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I’m trying to understand what changed me in Wild Places. What is it that heals and restores me at the foot of a mountain, in the high meadows and under a shining Moon – To dance as a child, naked and unafraid?

I have searched my mind and the Wild Places of my past for answers to this question. I have driven thousands of miles to my old camps – To stir through the ashes of my fires – To sleep on the same Earth – What caused this change in me?

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This is one thing I’ve noticed.

In my wanderings I search out Time Monuments – Places where I witness the face of time, undeniable and obvious to all who care to look. Places of bent rock and upthrust which I can measure my own existence against – spoken in a language of gray stone and erosion. In these places I glimpse the Eons.

In Earth’s strata I imagine my place, my grain of sand existence. In the face of time my Ego is stripped from me. It’s not possible to stand with Time Monuments and be filled with boastful pride. Rather I am often knocked to my knees, face to the sky as tears streak my cheeks. I am Awe struck and firmly in the Place I should be. I feel my roots to the center of the Earth and my connection to the Sky above. The Animal within me Howls.

Healing can begin when the Ego is diminished

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I have an ability to sense emotions in Others. This both served me and damaged me during my Law Enforcement career. To be able to smell Fear and see a lie saved me many times. But then to knock on a door in the dark night – To tell parents their child would never be coming home crushed me night after night and in my sleep. Emotion sticks to me.

To be in Solitude and in Wild Places I can be sure all the emotions I experience are genuinely mine. To trust in Self – This is why I search out wildness – These places are my Church, my retreat, my Sanctuary.

This is to live in the Truth of Self – A place to discover Self Love.

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I am Michael – I am the smooth stone at the foot of a Mountain asking how did you change me – I am the ripple on a waterfall pool asking from where did I come – I have always been a part of this – I am Michael

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© 2016, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

Trojan Horse Operation

Trojan Horse Operation – Ypsilanti Township – When I was Lion Strong

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What I’m about to tell you happened at the peak of the Blood and Crip gang war. Street corner crack cocaine trafficking had reached it’s Zenith and many corners were occupied by a crack cocaine dealer (in the open) and a gunman (hidden). Drug trafficking turf have been claimed and paid for in blood and gangs claimed ownership of their corners. Crack cocaine was the newest national epidemic and the zombies of the night moved among us, robbed us, killed us.

My Brothers and I fought them back in the dark while you slept.

This is the story of one operation.

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The bosses had decided on a new plan of attack, a Trojan horse operation. About 20 of us signed up for this overtime operation but to be honest I would have worked the detail for free. I loved this stuff – These assignments were always exciting, dangerous and unpredictable. We all met at Station #2 for a briefing but we all knew what we were in for. We were to be dropped into a “target rich environment” and expected to run down the rabbits.

We broke into partners for protection. Three partner crews were in marked patrol cars and assigned to the outer perimeter, two partner crews were in unmarked surveillance cars and assigned Scout responsibilities. I was one of the remaining ten, veterans of operations like these, Tucked in the Truck. We were the jump out crew and were to stay hidden until the time was right.

No one was to run off without cover and the buddy system assured that. Each of us was clad in armor and dangling flex cuffs hung from our ballistic vests. The time had come for a last press check of weapons, magazines, flashlights, handcuffs and a thumbs up to your partner.

As I mount up my adrenaline begins to build and my focus becomes more  acute. I felt more than human – I was a part of this team – we had plans – we had targets. Muscle memory flashes it’s bright light, I tingle with anticipation of the night. In the moment I know I love this. We were ready.

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We ten pack tightly side by side into the rear of a U-Haul moving truck. The floor was wooden and splintered as we tried to sit without stings. One of the surveillance units made a pass down Calder street and by our intended jump out location near the edge of a city park. “Be advised there are more than a dozens gang members on the corner and they seem twitchy – They gave us the stink eye,” the Scout advised.

The undercover officer begins to drive us and the truck to the park.

The bosses had decided to double roll the dice. Not only were 10 cops about to be air dropped on an active drug street corner but they wanted a cocaine buy to go with it. The Undercover officer was to drive up and buy crack and we would bail out after the deal went down.

One of the Cops in the back of the truck starts flashing his light against his newest piece of gear, a glow in the dark POLICE jacket. “What the fuck are you doing Bill” I ask. He says “I don’t want any of you fuckers shooting me in all the confusion were about to create.” I laughed but couldn’t argue with his logic.

Someone ripped a two note fart, more laughter and threats followed.

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“ONE MILE” the driver calls out.

The Undercover Officer begins to give a description of a possible suspect as the truck rolls to a stop “I can’t see his cover man” and then he went quiet. A hushed deadly silence overtook all of us in the rear of the truck. Any tiny movement or noise could endanger not only the Undercover Officer but the whole operation.

We wait and listen.

U/C: Hey Gee you straight?

Dope Man: Yea Cuz what you need?

U/C: How about two twenties?

Dope Man: Let me see the cash.

20 seconds pass…

U/C: Good deal (Our signal to bail and catch whatever ran)

The rear door of the moving truck flies open and all of us hit the ground at once. I was instantly reminded of some wild rodeo except made for Cops. One of my Brothers let go with a war cry at the top of his lungs.

I recognized a half a dozen gang members when I jumped from the truck. All I could see were assholes and elbows as they ran towards the park entrance. Many of them were already career criminals and If they were caught they were looking at decades in prison.

The work begins…

The U/C had giving a good description of the crack cocaine dealer and I had him in my sights from the time my feet hit the ground. I ran after him into the darkness – he was my single target – my partner with me. This thug was ours, we cut him from the pack hoping someone else had the hidden gunman – this thug’s cover.

I trusted my Pack – I trusted my partner – I trusted my skill – I trusted my Heart

The calm clear eyed animal within me chased down this Thug. All sounds stopped as I closed the distance and slammed him to the ground. After a short struggle the cuffs were on. He was a stunned animal, he was my prey.

I hear my own heartbeats first as I re-entered the World.

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We take the crack dealer back up to one of the waiting marked patrol units which now flooded the area. From one of the cars I could hear the theme song from the Cops show playing. “Bad boys bad boys what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you.” Most of  the other Thugs were captured and a couple of stolen handguns were recovered. I notice a neighbor give us a thumbs up from behind his curtains. I appreciate the intensity of my life.

It was a good night. A lot of thugs went to jail and no Cops got hurt and I made overtime. What more do you want?

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© 2016, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

The Red Pill

Today I seek relationship advice from any who would care to comment but especially the women.

Part of the demise of my last long-term relationship was this…

She started to explore “Red Pill Philosophy” and it became a central part of many of our discussions. The philosophy boils down to this. Take the Red Pill and then you will know the truth, women are evolutionary animals and are always looking to “trade up” or better described are in a constant state of hypergamy. Imagine a troop of baboons, the females constantly watch the Alpha for any perceived weakness and if they see any they are likely to bolt for the next suitor. It is a part of the natural consequence of animal relationships and attraction.

With this way of thinking my previous “Mate” began to discourage me from ever showing any signs of weakness. I had to walk as an Alpha Male and nothing else. It was all I could be in her presence, never to wince, never to acknowledge pain…

I tried to be this but I failed.

My Question: Is this really what women want? A man without feelings? Is a man being an Alpha male enough for you? I think this sucks for me because it’s not what I want. I want so much more than this.

I’m very interested in your thoughts because I’m considering changing the way I interact with women for the rest of my life. I am trying to digest this life lesson but I’m conflicted.

To be hard and flinty, is this the way to a better Me?

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© 2016, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

The Execution of Mary Hulbert

January 7th, 1987 Township of Superior, County of Washtenaw

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The Circuit Court Judge would say that this was the most heinous crime in his 30 years of judicial experience.

The snow was sideways on that day, the Sun invisible to me. The wind screamed of horror and places not to be. Terror had claimed another victim, a child of just thirteen.

I was the newest Detective having been promoted just a couple of months earlier to work minor crimes. My caseload consisted of burglaries, larcenies, check cases, pawn shop investigations and the like. All of the Detectives worked out of the main station. I was surrounded by the Salty Dogs and Sperm Whales of the department. Grayed, grizzled and often grumpy most of them had worked major cases for decades. I had earned my way into the Detective Bureau but I was a cub among bears.

Dispatch called upstairs and told the Sergeant a child’s body had been found in a wooded area by a couple of rabbit hunters. One of the hunters would say, “In the thickets, I saw something, looked whitish. The closer I got, the more it looked like a body. It looked like someone dressed up a dummy, maybe trying to scare us. At first I thought it was a mannequin, I knew a mannequin didn’t have a belly button. The body was frozen and waxy looking with snow on the eyes. I took my gun and touched her side thinking to hear the knock of plastic, I didn’t. Then I touched her fingers and they bent back.”

He tried to stay with the body but got frightened and ran after his buddy and towards his car. They drove to a nearby preschool and called the Sheriff’s office.

A scramble to find the Truth begins.

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The Sergeant tells me to stay put and to start checking missing person(s) reports as everyone else bolts for the door. All of the Detectives descended on the crime scene which was an open area away from the city, some might call it the beginning of the country. Large blocks of trees crossed by farmer’s fields, everything bordered by dirt roads in one mile squares, 640 acres between. Majestic oak trees stood between fence and furrow, with field stones cleared over a hundred years.

It didn’t take long to discover an adjoining jurisdiction had a report of a missing 13 year old girl and the description matched what the Detectives were calling in from the scene. The victim had suffered multiple wounds to her body and we were all but certain it was Mary. The clothing and physical description matched. The pieces began to fit.

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Mary Ann Hulbert was last seen with Steven Stamper and Christopher Machacek, both 16 years of age. A neighbor drove Mary to the entrance of the trailer park where Stamper and Machacek were waiting for her. Mary had confided to the neighbor that she thought she was pregnant by Machacek and she was going to talk to him about it. She fiddled nervously with a screwdriver in her pocket and said she had it “just to make sure” she didn’t get hurt, it was her protection. The neighbor watched Mary get in the Bronco with Stamper and Machacek and ride into her Nightmare, never to be seen alive again.

I knew Stamper and Machacek from my time in uniform patrol or street work. I’d contacted them often on traffic stops and during minor criminal investigations. I considered them low-level punks with attitudes. I knew where everybody lived and who they associated with, I knew their Grandmothers and neighbors. I relayed what I’d discovered and knew to the Detective Sergeant.

Next the principal Detective, the Sergeant and I responded to the homes of Stamper and Machacek. We told them we were investigating the disappearance of Mary and asked for their assistance in finding her and if they would come down to the Station. They both agreed and traveled to the station in their cars with family members. At this point Stamper and Machacek were considered witnesses. When they moved from witness to suspect would become a key legal issue and nearly cost us the case.

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Interviews

One of the reasons I was promoted to Detective was my ability to obtain confessions during the interview process. I worked hard to learn effective interview techniques and obtained many confessions.

Here is quick rookie lesson. When I went to someone’s house to interview them as a suspect I would look for something to connect to them with. If I saw bowling trophies on the mantle I would ask, “Did you ever bowl a 300?” If there was an old beat up car in the backyard I’d ask, “Man is that a 57′ I wish I could find a sweet ride like that.” The problem with this is you have to know something about what you’re talking about. If I asked the bowler if he ever bowled a 400 game he would think me an idiot, rightfully so. Take time to make yourself human before asking the hard questions. Shake their hand and look them in the eye. Call the Doctor by his first name, call the janitor “Sir.”

Lesson over, back to the past.

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I don’t know what the Sergeant was thinking but he assigned me to interview Stamper and Machacek with the senior Detective. Maybe he saw it as a training opportunity, maybe it was because I was good at getting to the Truth. For whatever reason I was thrust into the biggest case of my career, the weight of it nearly crushed me. A Life was lost, others changed, never the same.

Stamper and Machacek were interviewed separately and in the presence of their legal guardians. All of their statements were tape recorded.

They both told a story of picking Mary up and later dropping her off near her school. There were enough inconsistencies in the telling that the hairs on my neck began to stand. Their main story was rock solid but the little details were screwed up. They both gave the exact location where Mary had been dropped off but when I asked which way she walked away one said she went left, the other said right. When I asked where she sat in the Bronco –one said the front the other said the back. Slowly they were moving from witnesses to suspects but they stuck to their lie.

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At some point the senior Detective made a major mistake, which he would compound later. He said to Machacek, “There is no way I can let you go home tonight.” Defense Attorneys would argue this statement was an indication Machacek was under arrest and should have been immediately transported to the juvenile detention center which was required by Michigan Law.

We weren’t getting any closer to the Truth and I decided to gamble. I told Machacek that Stamper was at the station and being questioned by other Detectives and watched the blood drain from his face. Stamper was the weaker of the two and Machacek knew he could fold at any moment. I told him their stories better match up and they would be compared to find the Truth. The artery on the side on his neck bulged.

Machacek requested a tape recorder saying he was going to tell us what happened to Mary. I think he caved in to panic and decided to tell his lies first. He was again advised of his Miranda Rights.

Machacek said that he and Stamper drove Mary to the wooded area.”We went back in the field and Stamper told her to take off her clothes, and so she was fighting for a little while and then Stamper hit her so she took off her clothes and he put a blindfold on her.” He said Stamper shot Mary six or seven times with a .22 caliber rifle and then reloaded. Mary tried to run away and that was when Stamper shot her dead. “She was making noises and stuff and I was tripping out”, Machacek ended by saying he had helped Stamper conceal Mary’s body by dragging her by the feet into some nearby bushes. On the way home Stamper said, “I never killed nobody before.” ”He was praying and stuff saying I hope God forgives me”, Machacek said. They drove to Stamper’s house where they cleaned the Bronco and the rifles. An agreement was made to tell the lie about dropping Mary off at the entrance to her school if anyone asked. Next they fixed themselves a meal of hoagie sandwiches and root beer floats and said in front of witnesses, “We should wash our hands after what we just did.”

The following day, New Year’s Eve, they partied with friends.

One down.

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I entered the interview room where Stamper and his legal guardian were. I advised him of his Miranda Rights and he indicated he understood them.

“Bad news Steve, Chris just gave you up on a taped statement. He said that you are the one that shot Mary.” I sat the black leather cassette tape player between us. I savored the moment, the tension, I turned over four kings – I played part of the tape. Stamper told me to “load a fresh tape”” because he was going to tell his side of the story.

Perfect.

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Stamper’s statement unfolded with greater detail that Machacek’s.

Mary called Machacek and told him she was pregnant and that he was the father. Stamper and Machacek drove to Mary’s neighborhood to pick her up. On the way they stopped by Stamper’s house and picked up two .22 caliber rifles and ammunition. One of the rifles was a recent Christmas gift from his grandmother. They drove to the front of Mary’s trailer park where she had agreed to meet them.

Stamper said they did not want to kill Mary but were trying to induce a miscarriage. Their plan was to shoot guns at her and scare her enough to cause a miscarriage. He drove her to the isolated wooded area north of Ypsilanti and not too far from her home.

Once there Machacek told Mary to strip off her clothes while they were all still in the Bronco. “You heard them, take them off” Stamper told Mary. “Then she was getting lippy with Chris. I told her to shut up. She was sitting there with a screwdriver in her hand, playing around. I said why don’t you quit playing around and pointed my finger at her. She slapped my finger. I slapped her.”

Stamper said he blindfolded Mary with an ACE bandage and, “She was laughing the whole time, thinking it was all just a joke”, he said.

She was told to get out of the Bronco, wearing only her bra and panties. She stood with her back against the tree as they told her, clutching a stuffed toy dog to her chest she had picked up when getting out of the Bronco. Mary said her fear was they would leave her alone in the field, a worse fear was yet to be realized. She began to cry out her last moments of life.

Stamper said Machacek “snapped and fired about 20 rounds at Mary.” Stamper could hear Mary moaning after the first burst of fire. He asked Machacek “What are you doing?” Machacek then fired the fatal bullet. Stamper said “Shes dead.” He (Machacek) said ”I know she is dead” it really didn’t seem to bother him. Stamper said he took his hat off and asked the Lord’s forgiveness for this. Stamper denied ever firing his gun at Mary and said he only fired into the ground at Machacek’s insistence. Afterwards he helped Machacek hide Mary’s body under a bush and they drove back to his house.

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Autopsy

I met Mary for the first and last time the following day. She was on the autopsy table, more child than girl, a porcelain doll – lifeless and still – just 13 years old. To see her reminded me of a gangster’s death, her body riddled with bullet holes. She had been shot from the front and back, in her left collar-bone, left shoulder, chest, armpit, navel and hip bone. One deformed bullet remained in her body and the rest were through and through shots. I touched my body in the same places as her wounds and try to imagine the pain, the fear, the end. I had to know what happened, it was my sworn duty.

The pathologist testified Mary could have survived every wound with the exception of one, The fatal bullet that passed through her side and into her heart and lungs.

She wore a small gold ring with a heart-shaped stone on her tiny finger. This would be something her mother could clutch to her chest during the dark nights to come. Something to kiss, something to hold, something to cry over. A silent witness to a life taken, a testament to innocence stolen, a memory of Mary.

As I touched Mary’s hand I made a promise to her. “Mary, I will do my best to find Justice for you and hold those that did this responsible.” I spoke the words into the still air over her body.

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Court

Seems like this would be a fairly straight forward case, right? WRONG, it was FUBAR from the beginning.

The senior Detective, the one assigned the case, compounded the “There is no way I can let you go home tonight” statement to Machacek by telling the person responsible for transcribing the tape to leave that part out. A small mistake became a potential attempted conspiracy to obstruct Justice. The Sheriff relieved him of his investigative duties and demoted him to civilian. This would be his last criminal investigation.

At that time Michigan Law required a petition before a Juvenile Court Judge to obtain permission to try a juvenile as an adult. The senior Detective was having his Miranda Rights read to him in the Judge’s chambers before he could testify. He was under threat of criminal charges because of things he had said and done. The Detective Sergeant moved into the primary or lead investigator seat, sitting next to the Prosecutor. There was only one problem with that is he didn’t know shit about the confessions, the critical part of this case.

The time line and details of the unfolding investigation had to come through my testimony. When and how Stamper and Machacek moved from witness to suspect became important, especially in light of the “Ain’t nobody going home statement.”

A Walker hearing was scheduled before a Juvenile Court Judge. This would be an evidentiary hearing to determine if the defendants statements were voluntary. If Machacek and Stamper’s statements were thrown out the whole case could be lost under the Fruit of the Poisonous Tree doctrine (even though everybody knew they were guilty). They knew and revealed things only the killer(s) could know.

Fruit of the Poison Tree Doctrine

This doctrine holds that evidence gathered with the assistance of illegally obtained information must be excluded from trial. Thus, if an illegal interrogation leads to the discovery of physical evidence, both the interrogation and the physical evidence may be excluded, the interrogation because of the exclusionary rule, and the physical evidence because it is the fruit of the illegal interrogation.

This is the ultimate Cop penalty, the black flag and is used to punish bad Cop behavior. The pressure was on and I felt it like no other time in my career. There was a real possibility these cold-blooded killers could walk. I had to get my testimony right. I carried case files everywhere and memorized timelines, the when and where, the evidence, who said what. I paced the floor many sleepless nights anticipating questions the team of defense attorneys might ask the next morning.

The hearing before Judge Woods lasted for 7 weeks (not a typo – 7 fucking weeks of testimony – a State record) and I testified for days on end. How many ways can the same questions be asked? My own testimony was thousands of pages long and the Court hired an extra person just to keep up with transcribing the testimony.

In the end, and with a stinging rebuke of the Senior Detective’s conduct, the cases against Machacek and Stamper were bound over to Circuit Court for trial. The Judge agreed that these juvenile defendants should be tried as adults and said they were “beyond rehabilitation in the Juvenile Justice system.” She allowed Stamper’s statement to stand as evidence and threw out Machacek’s. The case moved forward.

Once in Circuit Court the same questions and legal arguments had to be answered. The voluntary nature of the statements was tested. Over and over I was questioned about when Stamper and Machacek were first considered suspects. All of this had to be answered before the real evidence could be presented. The guns and bullets, shell casings, photos of wounds and all the rest. The Circuit Court Judge allowed back in to evidence Machacek’s statement.

At the conclusion of the trials Machacek was found guilt of Murder in the First Degree and Stamper was found guilty of Murder in the Second Degree.

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Sentencing

In October of 1988, nearly 2 years after the murder of Mary, they were both sentenced. Michigan doesn’t have a death penalty and Machacek’s First Degree Murder conviction resulted in a mandatory life sentence without any possibility of parole. That’s Life, all day long Life, no getting out of prison Life. Stamper received a Life sentence with an eligibility for parole. Both were 18 years of age when sentenced.

United States Supreme Court Decision

In 2012 the US Supreme Court ruled that laws requiring youths convicted of murder to be sentenced to die in prison violate the Eighth Amendment’s ban on cruel and unusual punishment.

“It is a great tragedy when a juvenile commits murder most of all for the innocent victims, Chief Justice Roberts wrote. But also for the murderer, whose life has gone so wrong so early. And for society as well, which has lost one or more of its members to deliberate violence, and must harshly punish another.”

I disagree with Chief Justice Roberts.

This was one of the most cold-blooded, cruel acts I ever investigated. Stamper and Machacek conspired in the cold light of day to murder Mary. They collected the weapons and picked the place of her execution. They formed a firing squad and killed Mary to save themselves, that was their plan, to cover their asses.

I was in that interview room and carefully listened to the words of these killers. I believe the Truth lies between the statements and what was not said. Where half-truths dance with absolute lies a thread can be found. What follows is my considered opinion of what happened to Mary in her last moments of life.

In the woods Mary knew she was in danger and she fought for her life. She pulled out her weapon, the screwdriver, only to be disarmed by Stamper. They slapped her and forced her to strip naked for their amusement. They tortured her, they dehumanized her, they filled her with terror. Together they lead her to her place of death. They sentenced her to death by firing squad and carried out her execution, a cruel and lingering death filled with fear, agony and pain. I believe Machacek shot Mary and that Stamper did fire once into the ground, right through Mary’s side and into her heart. I wonder if he felt good for putting her out of her misery? He stood over her dead body and asked for forgiveness, for what?

I don’t believe Mary was laughing.

Stamper and Machacek should die in prison and I will do everything within my power to make that so.

Even now, I prepare for the day when either come up for parole. I gather old reports, news articles, talk to partners of my past. I stay in contact with Mary’s Mother. I twist bone and pick scab – I open another clay jar. I try to remember it all. I will be ready.

I made a promise…

For the rest of the story click this link – A Life Lesson

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© 2015 – 2020, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.