Today I seek relationship advice from any who would care to comment but especially the women.
Part of the demise of my last long-term relationship was this…
She started to explore “Red Pill Philosophy” and it became a central part of many of our discussions. The philosophy boils down to this. Take the Red Pill and then you will know the truth, women are evolutionary animals and are always looking to “trade up” or better described are in a constant state of hypergamy. Imagine a troop of baboons, the females constantly watch the Alpha for any perceived weakness and if they see any they are likely to bolt for the next suitor. It is a part of the natural consequence of animal relationships and attraction.
With this way of thinking my previous “Mate” began to discourage me from ever showing any signs of weakness. I had to walk as an Alpha Male and nothing else. It was all I could be in her presence, never to wince, never to acknowledge pain…
I tried to be this but I failed.
My Question: Is this really what women want? A man without feelings? Is a man being an Alpha male enough for you? I think this sucks for me because it’s not what I want. I want so much more than this.
I’m very interested in your thoughts because I’m considering changing the way I interact with women for the rest of my life. I am trying to digest this life lesson but I’m conflicted.
To be hard and flinty, is this the way to a better Me?
© 2016, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.
Be who YOU want to be, not what your partner wants you to be. You have to accept them for all their glory and faults, just as they need to to accept you in the same manner.
Best Always,
Julie
Julie says it well. I have struggled with much of the same feelings when it comes to relationships. I have always said if you really love someone you except them the way they are but the only thing is as I feel that way I usually find myself trying to be more of the ways they want me to be. I don’t wear makeup daily and don’t really care to. I like to dress practical, frilly just is not me, (sweats, tees, cargo, pockets, no purse…..comfort). My brain has been consumed for years with how I could live care free on the road as you do. I envy you for that. It troubles me to hear you struggling with your emotions. Your emotions and feelings are who you are. No One has the right to attempt to change them or mold them to what they want, they are yours. If they do, turn and run like hell. They made you a caring, loving person who touches so many daily. I am not blinded to the fact that we all make mistakes and have to live with the guilt that comes with them. Oh my, listen to me, I am the last person to be giving advice on relationships. I think you should be what makes you happy, and helps you find peace, what ever that may be. Best to you. Hugs.
The reason you have not found a good answer to your question as to what women want from a man is that a simple answer does not exist. Just as we come in all shapes and sizes, so do we want different things from a man. Yes, evolutionary history affects us, but so do culture, family dynamics and life experience…
A much more relevant set of questions is: Who are you as a man? What would your perfect mate appreciate about you? What would you like to bring to her life? What need, not to be confused with neediness, would you fill in her life? What would you like for her to bring to your life? What are deal-breakers and must-haves?
Write the answers down, take time and revise. Then burn it. The rational mind cannot solve the question: Is she the right one? But intuition can, and after you have spend time reflecting, your intuition will know what to look for. It has served you in the past, trust it, and it will serve you now.
There, that’s my 5 cents worth of finding-a-mate advice for men. Claim you truth, go out there and get her!
FYI, the better you is YOU right here, right now.
Well said Elke
No. That is not what most women want. It’s what that woman wanted. But you might find that women of that sort are attracted to you because you are/were a policeman. That role carries a macho stereotype, and so women looking for that might find their way to you. It’s up to you to suss out this view on life as early as possible when you meet someone, so you can walk away before things get painful.
I remember the first time I met you standing behind you in line at the bank. Creativity was oozing out of you. My first thoughts were this person is an artist. Balancing the masculine and feminine within us, is really what we are here to do.